From the moment you discover you’re pregnant, you can’t stop visualizing the future. You imagine holding your baby; later blowing out birthday candles and some people even let their minds zoom far into the future to beach vacations, high school graduations and the child’s wedding day.

A miscarriage is the loss of a baby and all the hopes and dreams you had for that child.

The pain is real. The grief can be overwhelming. And unfortunately, the comments from others can be insensitive. So how can you cope with a miscarriage? Here is advice from those who have traveled this path before you.

Realize people don’t know what to say.
It’s extremely upsetting when you are told, “Oh that’s too bad, you’ll just have to keep trying,” but keep in mind those who share those words are not trying to be insensitive. Rather, they just don’t realize how hurtful their words sound.

Surround yourself with compassionate souls.
After hearing a few insensitive comments, you might consider keeping your pain to yourself. Don’t. You need to be able to cry, grieve and talk to those who will comfort you. If your family and friends can’t understand what you are experiencing, turn to a support group to receive the gentle thoughts that will help you heal.

Know that you are not alone.
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, approximately 10 to 25 percent of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage.

Don’t blame yourself.
There are various reasons a miscarriage occurs, many of which are never identified. It just happens. It is never helpful to beat yourself up or blame yourself. If you find yourself swimming in negative thoughts, it might be helpful to read one of our earlier blog posts on dealing with your inner critic.

Do what works for you.
Some women turn to work for a distraction. Others need to take time off to grieve before they can return to life’s daily routine. Only you know what is best for you as everyone deals with grief differently. This goes for your partner, as well. The pain is real for both of you, but how you deal with the loss might be different. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open with your partner.

Realize the grief might return.
You might think the pain is behind you, when suddenly you might see a commercial on television, hear a child giggle or approach the first holiday season and you’ll burst into tears. That’s okay and in fact, it’s perfectly normal. Do what you can to avoid events like baby showers, if necessary. Take the time to treat yourself—and your partner—with extra love and kindness. Certain days, like the baby’s due date, can be especially stressful.